I am so grateful for Him

May there be many more chapters to come . . .

 

Tomorrow they'll take the bracelet off.

 

They'll do the scan, then send me home. Home. Back to my family.

 

I have missed them ~ the wonderful cuddles of my angel, the bouncy excitement and super smiles from my handsome, the tender baby fingers on my face from my little miracle, and the sweet embrace from my sweetheart. It will be good to be home.

 

It's amazing what a little perspective will do. What I now appreciate. For this great life that I am now excited to live! So grateful for this lesson, this chapter in my book. And may there be many more chapters to come. 

 

 

 

 



No Longer Alone.

Art by Walter Rane

 



I spent many years sad inside. On the outside you would have never known, but on the inside it was all too

lonely.

I had the wonderful gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I was taught it. In words I could tell you all about it. I had a testimony that it was true. But, I did not really know it. I did not yet know my Savior. I did not truly know Him.

Heaven though knew me and knew that I needed Him. Knew that I wanted to know Him but that I did not know how.

And that is when the trials came. The burdens on my shoulders were placed to teach me. To see if I would turn to what I had been taught. To see if I would try out His promise....

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ya shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matt. 11: 28-30

And so I came. I came crawling to Him. I fell down at His feet and wept. I could not do this life alone. As hard as I tried, as tough as I tried to be, I was weak. I was tired. I was not able to do it on my own. And so I asked, "Please help me. Please. I need Thee."

No sooner did I ask, but I was given. Line upon line. Precept upon precept. Here a little and there a little. I was and am given strength beyond my own, wisdom beyond my understanding, and faith that stifles all my fears.

Is it now always easy? No.

Is now life a walk in the park? Sometimes, because He helps me see.

Is life worth living and loving? Absolutely.

Is He there for you? All you have to do is ask.

What Matters Most

Sometimes admist the hussle and bussle of life, something stops and helps us remember

What Matters Most . . .

 

My Lemonade From Heaven (Part 3)

 Part 3: Thank Goodness For Lemonade From Heaven

(Go here for Part 1, Go here for Part 2)

 



We had not been home from our trip for more than a month, when I found out I was pregnant. We were happy, we were very excited, but I must admit that I was scared. Afraid of the unknown. Not sure what to expect.

We decided to make plans. Plans of what we could do to make things hopefully easier for our new baby and myself. We decided to take health precations of what to feed the baby and so on in hopes that our new little one would feel happy and well.

Little did we know what was instore for us....many hard things to come, but many many more blessings.

Many weeks passed.

It was not long before my first prenatal exam that I found blood in my underwear. It worried me. And as the day progressed and the cramping in my stomach continued, I became more alarmed. Was I losing the baby?

I called my nurse and she suggested that we head to the ER.

It was a tear. Not very big, but none-the-less, a small tear in my uterus. But, the baby was just fine. They told me to take it easy for a week and they would check it the following week at my prenatal exam.

It was there at my first prenatal exam that my doctor found it. She had just finished checking my uterus, all was fine - it had healed nicely and the baby was well. She continued on with the same regular checkup that I'm sure she had done hundred times before. But, when she got to my neck, she stopped.

There it was. A little nodule. A little nodule that we would soon come to find out was cancer.

Had she not pointed it out to me - I would have not noticed it probably for a very long time.

Had I not gotten pregnant, she never would have even done the exam and the cancer would have continued to grow in size.

It's funny how I had fought and fought the idea of having another baby. I had fought the idea of having to endure the possible trials that could accompany having another one with health problems. And yet becoming pregnant saved me from trials that would have been far more worse - had the cancer been allowed to grow more.

Does Heavenly Father know what is best for us? Yes.

Does He see the big picture? Always.

Does He have our best interest at heart? Every. Single. Time

Thank goodness for lemonade from Heaven.


Image Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos

Chores!

 

This is what happens when the 4 year old gets put in charge of emptying the silverware from the dishwasher......

 

 

Hehehe......I love her!

From the Mouth of Babes

My little angel has come up with some fun ways to say things! Here is one of my favorites:

Hold On:  "Hole Gone"

My Little Babbler!

My little guy has started babbling even more the past couple days!  Today he started saying,"Da, da" - not really in reference to anything, but it was still cute to hear!

Play Time

Why play with dolls, when you can play with the real thing?

 

So Happy!

 

Still just as happy as the day he was born! Love this little miracle of mine!

My Big Boy!

 

My little miracle is growing up so fast! Today was his first day eating solids and he did pretty good!

 

 

Yumm!!! Rice cereal!

Roll Over

My little guy rolled over today - from his tummy to his back!

True Love

Handsome announced to me the other day that he has two true loves. I asked him who, he said one was "Ashton" and that she "has a beautiful face!"

Then, a few days later, he went on to tell me that he kissed his girlfriend in the hall at school! He couldn't remember if it was on the cheek or lips.....somehow I think he probably remembers! :)

My little guy is just in first grade! I think I'm going to have my hands full with this one!

Two Bites

Today at lunch, I was  trying to get my stubborn little Angel to eat something healthy -

Me: Do you want watermelon?

Angel: No.

Me: Do you want oranges?

Angel: No.

Me: Do you want grapes?

Angel: No.

Me: Do you want peaches?

Angel: No. I don't want anything.

Me: Ok, how about just one bite of watermelon?

Angel: How about two bites?

........Things always have to be her idea! Gotta love that little stubborn cutie!!!

My Little Miracle is Here!

My little miracle is here! He was born Thursday, Sept. 6, 2012 - 7 lbs 12 oz and 19.5 inches.

Love Language

(Handsome and My Sweetheart - a couple years ago!)

Me: What's your love language?

My Sweetheart: goobdyishleeokeyridaw

My thoughts: Yes, that would definitely be your "love language!" :)

Ready to POP!

My little Miracle will be arriving any day now! I'm SO excited! We even took a preliminary trip to the hospital yesterday with hopes that the baby was coming . . . . unfortunately, it was a false alarm. But, soon enough, he will be here!

On Saturday, my friend Alisa took me down to the docks to take some maternity pics. She did such a great job - I love them! What a fun way to celebrate the coming of my little Miracle!

All Grown Up!

Handsome started first grade today! He was excited and happily went to class to make new friends and learn new things.

I was happy for him to go too because I know how much he just thrives on social interaction, plus, the little extra free time it gives me didn't sound too bad!

But, as the day went on, I found myself ready for school to be over. It was a LONG time to be away from my little guy and the thought struck me that he now spends more waking hours with his teacher than he does with me! It gave me a little twinge of not wanting my little guy to grow up!

Luckily, the day didn't drag on forever and soon I picked him up and listened to the stories of all the fun they had! I'm glad Handsome is at a good school with good teachers!

Sometimes I Forget . . .

Life took over this last week and slowly pulled me down.

Worry.

Grief.

Hurt.

Confusion.

Fear.

They were all understandable feelings. Feelings for someone I care very much about and worry about. But, I let those feelings overcome me. Overcome me to the point where I lost perspective. I lost hope. 


Luckily though, Heaven was watching over and helped me this morning to remember.

Memories.

Laughter.

The Temple.

Answered Prayers.

True Friendship.

Sub4Santa.

Surprises.

Silly Pranks.

Circle Of Hope.

Christmas.

Our Children.

Little Ones In Heaven.

Scum! (hehehe)

The Cupcake Walk. 

Testimonies.

The Saddle at Texas Roadhouse.

Relay.

Painting The House.

Why let grief and sorrow take over, when I have such wonderful things to hold on to?

I'm so grateful for such a wonderful friend, for such wonderful memories, and for Heaven helping me to remember!

My Little Fishies!

Handsome and Angel just completed swimming lessons on Friday, and I am so proud of them! They made so much progress!

Handsome passed off Level 1 in June and then just finished Level 2. He still has a few things to master (floating and swimming on his back) before he passes off Level 2, but holy cow has he learned a lot. At the beginning of June, he didn't even like to put his face in the water. Now, all he wants to do is swim under water - and he can do it all by himself!

Angel is my timid one. I took the Mommy and Me class with her to help her get used to the water. She is definitely more comfortable in the water than when we started (I couldn't even get her to walk in the shallow end by herself at first - but now she does!), but we still need to work more on blowing bubbles and letting her face in the water. I'm sure it will all come with time!

Anyways, long story short, I'm proud of my little fishies!

I Will Try Again Tomorrow

Can I just tell you how much I LOVE Pinterest!?! I LOVE IT! Anyways, I found this quote on Pinterest and just had to share:

Love it! "I will try again tomorrow!"

No Yelling

Have you ever tried going a full day without yelling? I have' and it's a little bit harder than I thought. I wouldn't have ever considered myself a big yeller, but as a mom I've found myself resorting to quick, sharp, and loud commands (aka yelling) to get quick results from my kids.

I never really liked that I was yelling, but it just crept up more and more in the way I did things.

I started really noticing my yelling, when I started reading AhaParenting. I decided that I wanted to cut yelling out of my parenting (I'm not perfect at it - but I'm doing a lot better). And, I have been so amazed at the huge effect it has had on our home, our family, and myself. My stress level has gone WAY down, I'm enjoying being a mommy so much more, and my kids are responding to me so much better (I should mention that I have replaced yelling with discussion - talking to the kids about their behavior, etc).

I think I'm going to make this no yelling thing a habit!

Image Credit: Life As I Know It

In The Good Ole Summer Time!

(The kid's lemonade stand - Handsome is hiding behind the yellow sign and Angel is hiding behind the lemonade pitcher. Silly kids!)

Handsome spotted some kids with a lemonade stand the other day, and so of course he had to have his own lemonade stand (he is always wanting to create his own version of whatever he sees: parades, egg hunts, talent shows, etc.)!

He, Angel, some neighbor kids, and a couple of his cousins set up their own lemonade stand and got to work. It was so fun to watch! And half way through they all decided to tape their signs to their bikes and ride around to bring in more customers. Their hard work paid off - they ended up making just over $7.00 - and they were so proud!

There's nothing like celebrating the United States with a little bit of good old entrepreneurial spirit!

Happy Fourth of July and Happy Birthday USA!

Identity & Purpose

One of my favorite blogs to follow is SarahMae. She is so inspirational and all the while so real! The other day, she posted this quote and I could relate to it so much, that I just had to post it:

"The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose."

 - Richard R. Grant

It's taken me a long time to find my true identity. I think I found parts of it a long the way, but it wasn't until I just let go and let the Lord guide me - that I really learned. 

I would never in a million years asked to have such trials placed before me - so that I could in turn find myself - but looking back, I would not trade those experiences in. Because of them, I have realized so much more - my true identity: my purpose here on earth. 

A little time away . . .

(Sisters: myself, Becki, and Melissa!)

Remember the fire I posted about the other day? Well on that same weekend, I got invited to a girl's weekend trip up at Bear Lake with my sis and sis-in-law. It was so much fun and so relaxing. . . and totally needed to help keep my stress level down about the fire! Plus, sometimes it's nice to have just a little time away to regroup! 

We thoroughly just enjoyed being girls and filled our time crafting, watching movies, shopping, at the lake, and just hanging out - I loved every minute of it! 

While I was there, I started working on a project for little Miracle's baby room (here's a sneak peek below) - I can't wait to share the finished project with you!

I feel so grateful to have such awesome family that I love to hang out with and an amazing husband who is so willing to let me have a weekend off! Thanks guys!

Raising Good Kids

(Handsome and Angel with a couple of their cousins)

How do I raise good kids? 

I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Not that I didn't think about it before and try to be a good mother, but I think I've finally realized that it's ok that I'm not perfect at being a mother. God does not expect me to be perfect at it, no one is perfect at it. In fact, part of my being here on earth is to learn through experience.

The thought struck me the other day, almost like a bolt of lightning, that it was ok to go to others and other resources for help. Odd that something like that would be such a revelation, but I think that I got so caught up thinking about the fact that I was failing so miserably in many areas of motherhood that I filled my life with so many distractions - in order to avoid the anxiety of it all.

Funny how something like being diagnosed with cancer would finally help me to understand, but it truly has. I've just recently stumbled upon (or really I should say I've been guided to) some excellent parenting resources. I'm sure they were there all along, but finally I'm seeing them. My heart has truly changed and I'm seeing and experiencing so much more fully - the absolute joy in being a mother!

Here is an awesome article I found that just completely struck a chord with me and my feelings on parenthood: Five Things We Know For Sure About Raising Great Kids What do you think?

FIRE!

Disaster hit a little too close to home this weekend.

With the fire so close, my sweetheart and I quickly went through the house to grab what we thought we should take with us - just in case.

As we went through the house, an odd thing occurred. We passed up the big screen tv, the appliances, the jewelry, the decorations . . . in fact, we were scratching our heads - trying to think of anything else to take. We got the major documents, the photos and scrapbooks, a couple tubs of memory keepsakes, my husband's missionary scriptures - and that was about it.

We looked around - all the rest really didn't matter. Sure, it would not be ideal or enjoyable to lose our home and all our comforts of life, but when it came to what was really important - only a few things really mattered.

There's nothing like being faced with losing what you have, that makes you truly realize what matters most.

"As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves.


We would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.


Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."  
-Dieter F Uchtdorf, Of Things That Matter Most


Image Credit: ksl.com

Surprised, Spoiled . . . and Loving Every Minute!

Another one of my great blessings is to be surrounded and loved by so many wonderful friends! My dear friend Alice threw me a surprise baby shower. I was so surprised - I had no idea! 

Alice and I - such an amazing friend - amidst all the pain and major discomfort she's experiencing (from stage 4 brain cancer) - she never fails to think more of others than herself. She told me she wanted me to have a special, happy day to celebrate our little miracle.

Kim, Myself, and Nicole (the pregnant trio)

Angel, My (goofy but so cute) Sweetheart, and Handsome

Just after Alice broke the news of the surprise (I thought I was going to just a family barbecue)

Myself and Carlene

Shannon, Myself, and Rhonda

Alison and I

Opening one of the many wonderful gifts!

Jodi and I  

Dani and I 

The awesome cake! Yumm!!

Thanks Alice and everyone! It was absolutely wonderful!

Making the Decision

There has been a lot to think about over the past couple of months. At times I have felt like my mind was whirling round and round, like the blur you feel on an amusement park ride. 


I didn't realize that the decision of what to do next would be so much up to me. I thought the doctors would just tell me what needed to be done. Unfortunately with cancer, everything is not always black and white. That's probably the hardest thing about all of this - not completely knowing what the future holds. 

Is it all completely gone? Will it come back? Is the other half of my thyroid completely clear?

The surgeon believes I do not need to do anything else but be monitored yearly.

My endocrinologist feels strongly that after the baby is born, that I need to have the rest of my thyroid removed and also have radioactive iodine treatments. She believes the size of the cancer (1.8 cm) and my family history (my uncle passed away from metastasized thyroid cancer), are both reasons to make sure all of the thyroid cells in my body are removed.

The oncologist at The Huntsman Cancer Institute was in the middle but leaned more the way my surgeon did. He believed that the cancer was all removed and he didn't think that removing the thyroid would prevent any further cancer from forming. At the same time though, he said that the decision was not black and white. Cancer can return - there is that possibility. And, that ultimately, I needed to be the one to make this decision.

I have been mulling all of this and so much more over in my head for the past couple of months. I've done a lot of praying. What is the best thing to do? What is my answer? 


Some answers to prayers come as exact commands "You need to do this . . . ." but others I'm coming to understand come through impressions and feelings. When I met with the surgeon and the oncologist, I left feeling confused, frustrated, and at a loss of what to do. When I met with the 
endocrinologist, I felt peace, clarity, understanding, and reassurance. 


I did not realize it at first, but that was my answer. 


"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33


And since this realization, I've had another spiritual experience that added to this confirmation.


After the baby is born, I will have the rest of my thyroid removed and take the radioactive iodine. I am completely at peace with that decision. 

My Sweetheart!

I must say that one of my very best blessings from heaven is my husband!


Today, he decided to take the day off work, and how did he decide to spend it? Helping me clean the house!!! I am one blessed little lady! Love you sweetheart! 

Strength Is A Decision

Image Credit: Pinterest

When He Heals . . .

Last night I was reading an article in the Ensign magazine and came across a quote from President James E. Faust. He was giving a talk and teaching about the healing power that comes from the Savior when we  forgive others. To me, it took on a whole different meaning. The Savior's healing touch can heal us all no matter what the pain or wound may be - whether mental, spiritual, or physical. President Faust said,

When He [the Savior] heals, He graciously overdoes it. He makes us healthier than we ever were before the onset of the affliction. His objective is our happiness and peace. 

The Savior has healed me and continues to heal me and I am much better because of Him - both physically and spiritually!

Image Credit: lds.org

Mustache

My sweetheart makes me smile . . . . even when he throws mustache growing contests at work!

I'm so glad he helps me to remember to stop and just enjoy life! Love you sweetheart!

Which way does a tree fall?

We took the kids to see The Lorax last night. Who knew that taking the kids to the movies, would make for a thought-provoking, insightful evening? There were several messages from the movie that I loved. Here is my favorite:

The Lorax: Which way does a tree fall?

The Once-ler: I don't know . . . Down?

The Lorax: A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean.

Image credit: Tree Hugger

It Shall Have No Power

My parents gave me one of the greatest gifts they could give me. It's one of those things that lately I've realized is really what matters. Too often, I sweat the small stuff. But, really most of what I worry about doesn't really matter. For example, does it really matter that much whether we have a frozen pizza or roast and potatoes for dinner? No, it doesn't.

Here is what matters the most, a gift I'm so grateful that my parents gave me (yet, another bit of lemonade from Heaven):

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation wheron if men build they cannot fall. 

-Helaman 5: 12