Making the Decision

There has been a lot to think about over the past couple of months. At times I have felt like my mind was whirling round and round, like the blur you feel on an amusement park ride. 


I didn't realize that the decision of what to do next would be so much up to me. I thought the doctors would just tell me what needed to be done. Unfortunately with cancer, everything is not always black and white. That's probably the hardest thing about all of this - not completely knowing what the future holds. 

Is it all completely gone? Will it come back? Is the other half of my thyroid completely clear?

The surgeon believes I do not need to do anything else but be monitored yearly.

My endocrinologist feels strongly that after the baby is born, that I need to have the rest of my thyroid removed and also have radioactive iodine treatments. She believes the size of the cancer (1.8 cm) and my family history (my uncle passed away from metastasized thyroid cancer), are both reasons to make sure all of the thyroid cells in my body are removed.

The oncologist at The Huntsman Cancer Institute was in the middle but leaned more the way my surgeon did. He believed that the cancer was all removed and he didn't think that removing the thyroid would prevent any further cancer from forming. At the same time though, he said that the decision was not black and white. Cancer can return - there is that possibility. And, that ultimately, I needed to be the one to make this decision.

I have been mulling all of this and so much more over in my head for the past couple of months. I've done a lot of praying. What is the best thing to do? What is my answer? 


Some answers to prayers come as exact commands "You need to do this . . . ." but others I'm coming to understand come through impressions and feelings. When I met with the surgeon and the oncologist, I left feeling confused, frustrated, and at a loss of what to do. When I met with the 
endocrinologist, I felt peace, clarity, understanding, and reassurance. 


I did not realize it at first, but that was my answer. 


"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33


And since this realization, I've had another spiritual experience that added to this confirmation.


After the baby is born, I will have the rest of my thyroid removed and take the radioactive iodine. I am completely at peace with that decision.