True Love

Handsome announced to me the other day that he has two true loves. I asked him who, he said one was "Ashton" and that she "has a beautiful face!"

Then, a few days later, he went on to tell me that he kissed his girlfriend in the hall at school! He couldn't remember if it was on the cheek or lips.....somehow I think he probably remembers! :)

My little guy is just in first grade! I think I'm going to have my hands full with this one!

Two Bites

Today at lunch, I was  trying to get my stubborn little Angel to eat something healthy -

Me: Do you want watermelon?

Angel: No.

Me: Do you want oranges?

Angel: No.

Me: Do you want grapes?

Angel: No.

Me: Do you want peaches?

Angel: No. I don't want anything.

Me: Ok, how about just one bite of watermelon?

Angel: How about two bites?

........Things always have to be her idea! Gotta love that little stubborn cutie!!!

My Little Miracle is Here!

My little miracle is here! He was born Thursday, Sept. 6, 2012 - 7 lbs 12 oz and 19.5 inches.

Love Language

(Handsome and My Sweetheart - a couple years ago!)

Me: What's your love language?

My Sweetheart: goobdyishleeokeyridaw

My thoughts: Yes, that would definitely be your "love language!" :)

Ready to POP!

My little Miracle will be arriving any day now! I'm SO excited! We even took a preliminary trip to the hospital yesterday with hopes that the baby was coming . . . . unfortunately, it was a false alarm. But, soon enough, he will be here!

On Saturday, my friend Alisa took me down to the docks to take some maternity pics. She did such a great job - I love them! What a fun way to celebrate the coming of my little Miracle!

All Grown Up!

Handsome started first grade today! He was excited and happily went to class to make new friends and learn new things.

I was happy for him to go too because I know how much he just thrives on social interaction, plus, the little extra free time it gives me didn't sound too bad!

But, as the day went on, I found myself ready for school to be over. It was a LONG time to be away from my little guy and the thought struck me that he now spends more waking hours with his teacher than he does with me! It gave me a little twinge of not wanting my little guy to grow up!

Luckily, the day didn't drag on forever and soon I picked him up and listened to the stories of all the fun they had! I'm glad Handsome is at a good school with good teachers!

Sometimes I Forget . . .

Life took over this last week and slowly pulled me down.

Worry.

Grief.

Hurt.

Confusion.

Fear.

They were all understandable feelings. Feelings for someone I care very much about and worry about. But, I let those feelings overcome me. Overcome me to the point where I lost perspective. I lost hope. 


Luckily though, Heaven was watching over and helped me this morning to remember.

Memories.

Laughter.

The Temple.

Answered Prayers.

True Friendship.

Sub4Santa.

Surprises.

Silly Pranks.

Circle Of Hope.

Christmas.

Our Children.

Little Ones In Heaven.

Scum! (hehehe)

The Cupcake Walk. 

Testimonies.

The Saddle at Texas Roadhouse.

Relay.

Painting The House.

Why let grief and sorrow take over, when I have such wonderful things to hold on to?

I'm so grateful for such a wonderful friend, for such wonderful memories, and for Heaven helping me to remember!

My Little Fishies!

Handsome and Angel just completed swimming lessons on Friday, and I am so proud of them! They made so much progress!

Handsome passed off Level 1 in June and then just finished Level 2. He still has a few things to master (floating and swimming on his back) before he passes off Level 2, but holy cow has he learned a lot. At the beginning of June, he didn't even like to put his face in the water. Now, all he wants to do is swim under water - and he can do it all by himself!

Angel is my timid one. I took the Mommy and Me class with her to help her get used to the water. She is definitely more comfortable in the water than when we started (I couldn't even get her to walk in the shallow end by herself at first - but now she does!), but we still need to work more on blowing bubbles and letting her face in the water. I'm sure it will all come with time!

Anyways, long story short, I'm proud of my little fishies!

I Will Try Again Tomorrow

Can I just tell you how much I LOVE Pinterest!?! I LOVE IT! Anyways, I found this quote on Pinterest and just had to share:

Love it! "I will try again tomorrow!"

No Yelling

Have you ever tried going a full day without yelling? I have' and it's a little bit harder than I thought. I wouldn't have ever considered myself a big yeller, but as a mom I've found myself resorting to quick, sharp, and loud commands (aka yelling) to get quick results from my kids.

I never really liked that I was yelling, but it just crept up more and more in the way I did things.

I started really noticing my yelling, when I started reading AhaParenting. I decided that I wanted to cut yelling out of my parenting (I'm not perfect at it - but I'm doing a lot better). And, I have been so amazed at the huge effect it has had on our home, our family, and myself. My stress level has gone WAY down, I'm enjoying being a mommy so much more, and my kids are responding to me so much better (I should mention that I have replaced yelling with discussion - talking to the kids about their behavior, etc).

I think I'm going to make this no yelling thing a habit!

Image Credit: Life As I Know It

In The Good Ole Summer Time!

(The kid's lemonade stand - Handsome is hiding behind the yellow sign and Angel is hiding behind the lemonade pitcher. Silly kids!)

Handsome spotted some kids with a lemonade stand the other day, and so of course he had to have his own lemonade stand (he is always wanting to create his own version of whatever he sees: parades, egg hunts, talent shows, etc.)!

He, Angel, some neighbor kids, and a couple of his cousins set up their own lemonade stand and got to work. It was so fun to watch! And half way through they all decided to tape their signs to their bikes and ride around to bring in more customers. Their hard work paid off - they ended up making just over $7.00 - and they were so proud!

There's nothing like celebrating the United States with a little bit of good old entrepreneurial spirit!

Happy Fourth of July and Happy Birthday USA!

Identity & Purpose

One of my favorite blogs to follow is SarahMae. She is so inspirational and all the while so real! The other day, she posted this quote and I could relate to it so much, that I just had to post it:

"The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose."

 - Richard R. Grant

It's taken me a long time to find my true identity. I think I found parts of it a long the way, but it wasn't until I just let go and let the Lord guide me - that I really learned. 

I would never in a million years asked to have such trials placed before me - so that I could in turn find myself - but looking back, I would not trade those experiences in. Because of them, I have realized so much more - my true identity: my purpose here on earth. 

A little time away . . .

(Sisters: myself, Becki, and Melissa!)

Remember the fire I posted about the other day? Well on that same weekend, I got invited to a girl's weekend trip up at Bear Lake with my sis and sis-in-law. It was so much fun and so relaxing. . . and totally needed to help keep my stress level down about the fire! Plus, sometimes it's nice to have just a little time away to regroup! 

We thoroughly just enjoyed being girls and filled our time crafting, watching movies, shopping, at the lake, and just hanging out - I loved every minute of it! 

While I was there, I started working on a project for little Miracle's baby room (here's a sneak peek below) - I can't wait to share the finished project with you!

I feel so grateful to have such awesome family that I love to hang out with and an amazing husband who is so willing to let me have a weekend off! Thanks guys!

Raising Good Kids

(Handsome and Angel with a couple of their cousins)

How do I raise good kids? 

I've been thinking a lot about that lately. Not that I didn't think about it before and try to be a good mother, but I think I've finally realized that it's ok that I'm not perfect at being a mother. God does not expect me to be perfect at it, no one is perfect at it. In fact, part of my being here on earth is to learn through experience.

The thought struck me the other day, almost like a bolt of lightning, that it was ok to go to others and other resources for help. Odd that something like that would be such a revelation, but I think that I got so caught up thinking about the fact that I was failing so miserably in many areas of motherhood that I filled my life with so many distractions - in order to avoid the anxiety of it all.

Funny how something like being diagnosed with cancer would finally help me to understand, but it truly has. I've just recently stumbled upon (or really I should say I've been guided to) some excellent parenting resources. I'm sure they were there all along, but finally I'm seeing them. My heart has truly changed and I'm seeing and experiencing so much more fully - the absolute joy in being a mother!

Here is an awesome article I found that just completely struck a chord with me and my feelings on parenthood: Five Things We Know For Sure About Raising Great Kids What do you think?

FIRE!

Disaster hit a little too close to home this weekend.

With the fire so close, my sweetheart and I quickly went through the house to grab what we thought we should take with us - just in case.

As we went through the house, an odd thing occurred. We passed up the big screen tv, the appliances, the jewelry, the decorations . . . in fact, we were scratching our heads - trying to think of anything else to take. We got the major documents, the photos and scrapbooks, a couple tubs of memory keepsakes, my husband's missionary scriptures - and that was about it.

We looked around - all the rest really didn't matter. Sure, it would not be ideal or enjoyable to lose our home and all our comforts of life, but when it came to what was really important - only a few things really mattered.

There's nothing like being faced with losing what you have, that makes you truly realize what matters most.

"As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves.


We would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most.


Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."  
-Dieter F Uchtdorf, Of Things That Matter Most


Image Credit: ksl.com

Surprised, Spoiled . . . and Loving Every Minute!

Another one of my great blessings is to be surrounded and loved by so many wonderful friends! My dear friend Alice threw me a surprise baby shower. I was so surprised - I had no idea! 

Alice and I - such an amazing friend - amidst all the pain and major discomfort she's experiencing (from stage 4 brain cancer) - she never fails to think more of others than herself. She told me she wanted me to have a special, happy day to celebrate our little miracle.

Kim, Myself, and Nicole (the pregnant trio)

Angel, My (goofy but so cute) Sweetheart, and Handsome

Just after Alice broke the news of the surprise (I thought I was going to just a family barbecue)

Myself and Carlene

Shannon, Myself, and Rhonda

Alison and I

Opening one of the many wonderful gifts!

Jodi and I  

Dani and I 

The awesome cake! Yumm!!

Thanks Alice and everyone! It was absolutely wonderful!

Making the Decision

There has been a lot to think about over the past couple of months. At times I have felt like my mind was whirling round and round, like the blur you feel on an amusement park ride. 


I didn't realize that the decision of what to do next would be so much up to me. I thought the doctors would just tell me what needed to be done. Unfortunately with cancer, everything is not always black and white. That's probably the hardest thing about all of this - not completely knowing what the future holds. 

Is it all completely gone? Will it come back? Is the other half of my thyroid completely clear?

The surgeon believes I do not need to do anything else but be monitored yearly.

My endocrinologist feels strongly that after the baby is born, that I need to have the rest of my thyroid removed and also have radioactive iodine treatments. She believes the size of the cancer (1.8 cm) and my family history (my uncle passed away from metastasized thyroid cancer), are both reasons to make sure all of the thyroid cells in my body are removed.

The oncologist at The Huntsman Cancer Institute was in the middle but leaned more the way my surgeon did. He believed that the cancer was all removed and he didn't think that removing the thyroid would prevent any further cancer from forming. At the same time though, he said that the decision was not black and white. Cancer can return - there is that possibility. And, that ultimately, I needed to be the one to make this decision.

I have been mulling all of this and so much more over in my head for the past couple of months. I've done a lot of praying. What is the best thing to do? What is my answer? 


Some answers to prayers come as exact commands "You need to do this . . . ." but others I'm coming to understand come through impressions and feelings. When I met with the surgeon and the oncologist, I left feeling confused, frustrated, and at a loss of what to do. When I met with the 
endocrinologist, I felt peace, clarity, understanding, and reassurance. 


I did not realize it at first, but that was my answer. 


"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace." 1 Corinthians 14:33


And since this realization, I've had another spiritual experience that added to this confirmation.


After the baby is born, I will have the rest of my thyroid removed and take the radioactive iodine. I am completely at peace with that decision. 

My Sweetheart!

I must say that one of my very best blessings from heaven is my husband!


Today, he decided to take the day off work, and how did he decide to spend it? Helping me clean the house!!! I am one blessed little lady! Love you sweetheart! 

Strength Is A Decision

Image Credit: Pinterest

When He Heals . . .

Last night I was reading an article in the Ensign magazine and came across a quote from President James E. Faust. He was giving a talk and teaching about the healing power that comes from the Savior when we  forgive others. To me, it took on a whole different meaning. The Savior's healing touch can heal us all no matter what the pain or wound may be - whether mental, spiritual, or physical. President Faust said,

When He [the Savior] heals, He graciously overdoes it. He makes us healthier than we ever were before the onset of the affliction. His objective is our happiness and peace. 

The Savior has healed me and continues to heal me and I am much better because of Him - both physically and spiritually!

Image Credit: lds.org

Mustache

My sweetheart makes me smile . . . . even when he throws mustache growing contests at work!

I'm so glad he helps me to remember to stop and just enjoy life! Love you sweetheart!

Which way does a tree fall?

We took the kids to see The Lorax last night. Who knew that taking the kids to the movies, would make for a thought-provoking, insightful evening? There were several messages from the movie that I loved. Here is my favorite:

The Lorax: Which way does a tree fall?

The Once-ler: I don't know . . . Down?

The Lorax: A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean.

Image credit: Tree Hugger

It Shall Have No Power

My parents gave me one of the greatest gifts they could give me. It's one of those things that lately I've realized is really what matters. Too often, I sweat the small stuff. But, really most of what I worry about doesn't really matter. For example, does it really matter that much whether we have a frozen pizza or roast and potatoes for dinner? No, it doesn't.

Here is what matters the most, a gift I'm so grateful that my parents gave me (yet, another bit of lemonade from Heaven):

And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation wheron if men build they cannot fall. 

-Helaman 5: 12

Sometimes Life Is Like A Roller Coaster

Life has been quite the roller coaster this past month. First they tell me that it is likely cancer, then they think it's not cancer, then the pathology report comes back that it is two types of cancer. Today we sat down for the followup appointment with the surgeon. He said that he looked up the type of cancer it is and that he thinks they got it all and that I don't need any further treatment - except yearly checkups. I like that news - except that with the way things have been going - I don't know how much I can trust his knowledge on cancer.


I think I will play it safe and get a second opinion.


Image Credit: Roller Coaster

Bring on the warm weather!

Summer is finally here! Or, at least the summer weather is! 

Angel and Handsome were just eating up the warm weather, and I have to admit that I love hearing their squeals of delight as they dash through the sprinklers!

I love my little kiddos!

Saddle Up Anyway!

Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway.

 - John Wayne

I love it when I go to church and it is as if the speaker is speaking directly to me! Today one of the speakers spoke on courage and it gave me added strength for the road a head. His whole talk was an excellent one, but these two statements, along with the one above - most especially spoke to me:

The courage to suffer may be harder than the courage to die.

Satan stops our communication with Heavenly Father most effectively through fear. 

I've never considered myself to be one with a lot of courage, maybe that is yet another lesson to learn from this trial, because it is definitely time to saddle up!

Image Credit: Montana Writer

Blessings

Sometimes Heaven's blessings are sent by the Spirit, other times they are sent through a friend. Thanks to my sweet friend!
 They made my day!


And, maybe not as easy to display, but just as meaningful to me are all the friends and family who are helping us out so much with meals, tending, phone calls, emails, hugs, and support. Thanks and love you all!

There will always be sunshine.....

Yesterday, we woke to rain and clouds. I should have known.

The bad news came and like the clouds my day was heavy and dreary and a little wet.

But, today there was sunshine!

Sunshine in the giggles from my Angel as I held her close and smothered her with kisses.

Sunshine from Handsome as I watched him chase his frisbee trying so hard to throw it just like his Dad.

And sunshine from my Sweetheart as he tucked little Handsome in bed, read him stories, sang him songs, and knelt with him to pray.

There may be clouds. There may be rain. But, there also will always be sunshine.

 Image: nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My Lemonade From Heaven (Part 2)

Part 2: "Please, let me come to earth"

(To read Part 1, go here)

I had gone off birth control. I knew now that there was a possibility that I could get pregnant. Part of me wanted to be excited about having another baby, but most of me was still upset.

In December, we decided to take a trip out to California. We took the kids to Disneyland. We stopped and played at the beach. We enjoyed every minute of it.

During the last few days of our vacation, we went to stay with Grandma. It was so relaxing. With Grandma's age, we decided it would be better to just be at home with her rather than take her out. The kids had fun spending endless hours in the surrounding orange orchard. My sweetheart just enjoyed not having any type of work to be attending to, and I curled up on the couch to do something I hadn't done in a long time.

The book sat on Grandma's end table. We Lived In Heaven was the title. It looked interesting and so I began to read.

As I read, I found that each chapter was written by a different author - each with a very different life     (different religion, background, ethnicity, etc). But,  each with one similarity. They each wrote of the account of one of their children appearing to them before they were born - most before they were even conceived.

Each story was different. There were different reasons that they children appeared to their parents, different settings, different circumstances. But, as I read I had the overwhelming sense that each of those children wanted so very  much to come to the world and wanted to be a part of that family. The  cry from each of these children was, "Please, let me come to earth. I so very much want to be a part of  your family."


With each page I read, my heart softened more.

I now understood.

It wasn't about Heavenly Father demanding I do certain things. It wasn't that He wanted me to just have endless amounts of children for no other reason but because He said so. It wasn't about that at all.

It was about this little child, who so very much wanted to come and be a part of our family. And then I could feel his presence, his love, his love for our little family. And that is when things started to change.

It's funny how our perception of our Heavenly Father can get so twisted - so incorrect. I always viewed him as an all powerful, a bit overbearing God, who made the rules because He could and that was just the way it was. A bunch of rules to be followed.

I began to realize that what our Heavenly Father asks of us is for a specific and important reason. A reason that is not at all about His powerful, almighty, rule and authority over us. But, rather out of a true divine love for us and wanting the very best for us. Our Heavenly Father cares very deeply for each and every one of us.

To be continued . . .

To read part 3 - go here.

My Lemonade from Heaven (Part 1)

Part 1: "But, I will NOT be happy about it." 

I always wanted to be a mother.

The day could not come soon enough.As a child, I dreamed of that day. As a newlywed, I could not wait until it was time.

And then it happened. My sweet little Handsome was born. It was love at first site!

But, with it came things I did not expect. Things I didn't think were part of the fairy-tale of mother hood. Handsome had health problems. Separately they each would not have been a problem, but together and most especially because we did not know what was wrong - they became quite a challenge. Especially to a new little mother, who wanted more than anything to just enjoy her baby.

We made it through the first year of his life and things got better - much, much better. And then another year and a half went by. As much as it frightened me to have to possibly endure what I had again, we knew it was time to have another. I hoped and prayed so deeply that this time it would be different.

Angel came to us not long after. Her arrival, the delivery, was nothing like the most difficult delivery that her brother's had been. I was optimistic. We brought her home and her first week of life was wonderful. It was just what I had always imagined.

And then the dream was broken. By the second week of life, things had changed. I recognized quickly the health problems she was having - very, very similar to her brother. Only this time, it was much worse.

How I longed for her to be a normal baby. To eat like other babies, to sleep like other babies. I did my best to endure the hours and hours of screaming crying. It did however, take it's toll on me. I soon was at the bottom of darkness. A place I hate to remember, and a place I never wish to return.

That struggle was in and of itself a story, another post someday perhaps, but just know that by the grace of God I made it through to the other side . . . and much, much stronger because of it.

Little Angel grew and like her brother, with age things became much easier and her problems lessened. She was about to turn three and we had come so far!

People often asked me how many children we thought we would have, if we would have another. I did not like that question. I did not like the answer.

My husband and I knew that there was another one in heaven, another one that Heavenly Father wanted to join our family.

But, I was bitter. Very bitter.

I had no desire to endure what I had had to endure with the birth and first year of life with both of my children. I did not want to do it again. I even sought out options of adoption. I joked with my sister-in-law about her having a baby for us. I thought that way, maybe we could avoid the problems we had had before. But that was not how it was supposed to be, I needed to give birth to another child.

And so I gave in . . . not happily though. I basically said in my heart, "Fine Heavenly Father, because I know I should do Thy will, I will have another baby. But, I will NOT be happy about it . . . I will not be happy about it."

To be continued . . .

Image Credit: Free Digital Photos

Surgery & A Wonderful Day

This is me just before the surgery - lovely, huh? You can see the word "yes" the doctor wrote on my neck. Good thing he did, or I would have woken up with out a leg or something! 


I wish we would have remembered to take a picture after the surgery - but it's probably better that we didn't - who knows how scary that one would have been! 


Anyways, I turned out to be a wonderful day! From the ultrasound and biopsy they had told me it was highly likely that it was cancer. My life was completely turned upside down over the past few weeks. However, yesterday I felt like I got my life back - except now I have such a better perspective on life. I came out of surgery with only 1/2 my thyroid gone. Several different doctors looked at the lump after they removed it and they now think it is highly unlikely that it is cancer. We will know for sure within a few days. Thanks for everyone's prayers, concern, and help! I feel very loved and blessed to have you all in my life!

How will I make it to tomorrow?

I spent the day rushing around to get everything ready before my surgery tomorrow. By 7:00 pm - I had had it! I was exhausted, and I think the strength of trying to keep the worry and emotions all in - had finally caught up a bit with me.

"How will I make it to tomorrow?" I wondered. I wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry - I didn't think I had much more in me to tough it out.

But then, heaven helped me again.

No matter how many priesthood blessings I receive or witness - they never cease to amaze me. And this one touched my soul.

Everything will be ok. My heart is calm. I know that my Savior loves me.

Nearer to God

Yesterday the pre-surgery jitters set in and I was a little bit more nervous (I'm sure  staying up late over the weekend and then over-dosing on Easter candy didn't help out either!)

But, then a wonderful thing happened. I commented on Facebook about my jitters and an outpouring of love and support and prayers filled my inbox - yet another reason that I know all will be well!

I found this video and it touched my soul. Tears come to my eyes as I watch this video and the spirit  strengthens me. I am not alone nor is my family. Angels are round about me to bear me up!




The quote by Richard G. Scott at the end, is my favorite part:

When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God then we've ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would be temple. Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, 'I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left. My spirit shall be in your hearts and my angels round about you to bear you up.' That is an everlasting declaration of God's love and care for us - including and perhaps especially in times of trouble. 

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To learn more about Stephanie, check out her blog: NieNieDialogues

A new meaning to Easter

Easter. It's meaning for me has evolved  over the years.

It started out to be just all about the candy. I know my mother's efforts to help me see greater meaning were there – but my childlike excitement of Easter Egg hunts and eating my way to a sugar-induced coma – won over for awhile.

Then gradually as I matured, the meaning of Easter became more. I began to understand the deeper meaning and the celebration of our Savior, His life and resurrection. As years past, it's meaning stretched into understanding of the atonement, repentance, and becoming more Christlike.

One year, I distinctly remember, the message of Easter was very much the message of strength. Strength beyond my own. Strength, clarity, peace, and wisdom beyond my own. The strength that comes as we ask and allow the atonement to help us do things that left to ourselves we would not be able to do. Strength that can lift us, even in our most darkest hours. I learned a lot that Easter.

I was to a point that I thought that I had learned all that Easter was about, all that the atonement offers.

Life was good. Very good. My worries were small, life's obstacles easily resolved, and I felt almost guilty to have things so well. And as much as I'm sure Heavenly Father was happy to see my family and I so happy.....he knew it was time.......

Time for me to grow.

And so this Easter has brought yet another meaning. I am beginning to learn about yet another aspect of the atonement and the Savior's love for each of us.

I would be lying if I did not say that many tears have been shed since that first day that my doctor's nurse called me. I have cried at first out of fear and worry. At other times the tears came when the “what if's” have crept into my mind.

But overall, an amazing thing has happened. Amongst all the worry and struggle that naturally comes with news like this, an even more powerful feeling has come into my life. An overwhelming amount of calmness has come to my spirit and mind. I have felt the spirit more intensely that I have ever before felt. The spirit has told me that “no matter what happens – everything will be ok.”

And that is the new meaning that Easter has brought this year. That through the Savior's atonement, I can be calm and at ease in a time when I could so easily feel like my world was crashing in on me. And that ultimately through the resurrection, “no matter what happens, everything will be ok.”

I will be forever grateful for my Heavenly Father and for my brother Jesus Christ, for caring so deeply for me and for strengthening me in my time of need.  

Image Credit: lds.org

The way it is......

It was a Tuesday. I was at the end of a long week of bed rest. I went in for my regular pregnancy exam. The small tear in my uterus had healed and I was told that I was free to go about life like normal.

My doctor continued the exam, doing the regular overall checkup that I'm sure she has done many times before. She asked to feel my neck, I absentmindedly agreed. She felt down along my neck and then stopped. “Feel this nodule,” she said to me. I felt my neck and pretended to feel the odd lump, but really it just felt like my normal neck. “You need to go have an ultrasound taken of the lump,” she informed me.

I obeyed. I had the ultrasound done, was told that the doctor would have the results in a day or two, and I went home. I didn't think too much more about it.

Early the next morning, the phone rang. It was the doctor's nurse. “We have the results of the ultrasound in, and it is suspicious of ….,” the nurse rattled off some long strand of medical terms. “What does that mean?” I asked. “It means that we are suspicious of thyroid cancer,” she said quietly. I immediately had so many questions. “What did I need to do? What would happen?” My mind was swirling. She reassured me that it may not be cancer and that if it was - that thyroid cancer is highly treatable. She set up an appointment for me to have a biopsy, and I hung up the phone.

Several days later, I had the biopsy done and I would have to wait to find out the results at an appointment with a surgeon.

Soon it was time to meet with the surgeon. I must admit that I had butterflies in my stomach.


He settled into his chair in the exam room. Again, it was a strand of medical terms and information way beyond my understanding.


 But after a long discussion, it basically boiled down to this:

From the biopsy, he was still not 100% sure if it was cancer or not, but it was highly likely that it was. And, whether it was cancer or not, I would need to have the nodule removed and possibly my whole thyroid. He informed me that a pathologist would be present during the surgery and that he will possibly be able to tell during the surgery, whether it was cancer or not, and if it was, he would then remove my whole thyroid.


If it is cancer, then I will need to have radiation after the baby is born.

And so, my surgery is set for this Thursday, April 12^th.

Image credit: Women's Web